Marriage preparation and steps in the Tugen sub tribe of the Kalenjin

Marriage preparation and steps in the Tugen sub tribe of the Kalenjin

I will discuss Marriage stages among the kalenjin and more specifically the Tugen sub tribe which I belong. I will divide the discussion into two sections namely the marriage steps in the olden days (upto 1980s) and the modern marriages which is a modification of the former to conform to changing times.

The marriage in the olden days

The girl and boy were considered ready for marriage once they had undergone the rite of circumcision. During this time they were taught on the ways of the community and how each should play his/her role. This period always took up to 6-8 months and it is an intensive training after which one graduates into a certain age set. I belong to the “Kipyigeu” age set and each set lasts for a decade. The age set plays a crucial role since they are the ones who will help the young man to bring the woman home. Upon graduation the young men are referred to as “Muren”.  Which means a person who ready to lay his life for sake of protection of the community and family.

The men were taught how to settle disputes in family set ups and within the community. Family life was considered mandatory hence each had to be properly prepared. It was left upon the older age set “motiren” to train the young men. A key emphasis was that the upbringing of a child is a community duty and each has a role to play. Each child belongs to the community hence no one should show open favoritism while dealing with children. The same teaching was done for young women by the older women and it centered a lot on child care and maintaining the family unity. Each woman was expected to uphold her homestead and work hard to provide for the family. They were also taught on how to handle men and how to participate in community functions e.g. marriage ceremonies and initiates graduation.

When a young man identified a woman whom he desired to start a home with, the first step was to inform the father who will call some of his clansmen and close women to deliberate on the proposal. Some factors had to be considered namely:

·         If there is blood relations

• ·         If the clan has any historical animosity which have not been resolved eg a kinsman was killed, or cattle, or weapons or any other property which had been stolen including beer and land disputes  which have not been resolved between the clans
• ·         Whether there is a known history of untreatable madness or illness in that family
• ·         Whether there is any history of witchcraft in that family
• ·          The general characters of that  clan’s women who have are already been married
• ·         Existence of known declared curses
• ·         Known infertility cases

NB: There was limited dating and courtship.  A times the woman was identified and dowry negotiations done by the family or the age set. It was assumed that each had undergone training on their respective roles in the family. The major aim of marriage was for the continuation of the family’s lineage, which was equated to fire. If the fire goes off, it means that lineage is over.

When all the background checks have been ascertained then the aunt of the young man is sent as an emissary to visit the family and convey the family’s intention to have their girl for a bride.  The aunt sets the date for dowry negotiations. On this day the young man’s family carries three big calabashes with traditional beer called “ Kipketin” made from honey. On arrival at the girls homestead they are received and led to the father’s house where there are other members of the community (bororiet). To the Tugen a child belongs to the community and one does not negotiate for his own child’s dowry, this is left to the clan spokesman. 

The girl’s side spokesman then asks the itinerary what they have come for, upon which his counterpart from the groom’s side declares the nature of their visit. The girl is then asked whether the dowry negotiations should go ahead (kerar). When she answers yes then both of them are anointed with oil and incantations are said to the ancestors. The young man’s title changes to “sanian” loosely translated to mean husband .The delegation then agrees on the dowry which upon successful conclusion the beer is brought in and the men only who partake. Thereafter food is served and the visitors have to leave immediately since they are not yet allowed to spend in their in-laws till dowry is paid.

On the agreed day the dowry which is always in form of cattle is driven in by young men who upon arrival are counterchecked by the previous negotiators if the entire agreed dowry is accurate.  At nightfall the girl is taken by the young men to start her new home. The groom is not present during the day of dowry payment as he remains at home to prepare for his bride’s coming. The young man, always by this time should have built own homestead complete with granaries and cattle pen. When the girl arrives she first goes to her mother in law spends the night and the following day she is given some cooking utensils, a few cattle and some foodstuffs to start off. In addition she is given a piece of land to till, and from there she is taken to her husband’s homestead while being escorted by the aunties and other women folk. Many a times the bride came with a young girl from her family to help her out with chores, or the mother in law assigns one. There she begins her wifely duties and she is referred to as “chepyoset” or “kwondo”

NB: Polygamy was permitted and it was dependent with the man’s ability to pay the dowry.

The modern version

The modern version is a blend with Christianity and civilization but some basic tenets are still respected. The most distinguishing part is that there is dating and courtship, which thereafter the man informs his father or guardians. The aforementioned factors are scrutinized before a verdict is passed. Thereafter the young man takes his mother, aunty and two friends for a show up in the girls homestead. They then announce the nature of their visit and preliminary negotiations are undertaken. A date for the engagement (koito) is set and the young man is informed tentatively what he is supposed to bring to the family.

On the day of the engagement the young man has to be accompanied by three women and three men excluding his parents. On arrival to the brides homestead they are first not allowed to enter into the house till they declare the nature of the visit. Several girls form a long queue whereby the young man has to identify his bride to be. If he errs then he has to pay one cow as a fine. After the identification parade the girl is asked three times by the Father whether negotiations should go ahead. If she accepts then the chosen six are ushered into the father’s house where dowry organizations commence.  Upon successful completion food is served and thereafter they go outside to join other community members for celebrations and gift giving. Anointment with oil is a must as it signifies that the two are now husband and wife. This is called “keil” both sides exchange this act.

The groom’s side has to bring gifts  to the family as follows; The girls parents are given a blanket, her brothers a bed sheets, her sisters  and aunties are given lessos, while the negotiators and uncles are given  guards (for milk-“Mursik” storage). Thereafter young girls up to age twelve entertain the guests with song and dance while praising the bride. The aim of the songs is to give the grooms side a glimpse on the kind of girl their son is marrying.

Thereafter depending on the couple’s religion there can be a wedding (katunisiet), but the girl still remains in her parents’ home till the day of the wedding. If there is no wedding the girl stays in her parents’ home for a week after the engagement ceremony then the man’s clan girls who are age mates with the bride come to escort her to her new home where they stay with her for a few days.